January 18: It is 1:50 in the morning, and I can’t sleep. I am trying to hold myself together, which is really hard. I actually had a mini cry a few hours ago, and as I write this, I’m still trying to hold it together because I feel like I am diving deeper and deeper into an endless dark silent sea. That is how my fibromyalgia pain is mentally and physically affecting me. Most of the time, when I’m in the space, it’s from fear. This is my reality, and I can’t fix it. I can’t change it; I just feel helpless.

Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain condition described as widespread musculoskeletal pain, fatigue, and tenderness in localized areas of the body. Recently, it has be said to primarily affect the central nervous system and may be an autoimmune disease.

Symptoms can include sleep disturbances, headaches, and cognitive difficulties, such as memory and concentration problems. The exact cause of fibromyalgia is unknown, but it is thought to be a mixture of genetic and environmental factors. Women are more likely to develop fibromyalgia than men, and fibromyalgia often develops after a physical or emotional trauma, infection, or stress. There is no cure, but treatment involves a combination of medications, lifestyle changes, and different forms of therapy. 

February 18: Mentally, I think I feel better. I ended up talking with one of my doctors. We are working on a new plan, hoping this will help me mentally, emotionally, and honestly. I am being very hopeful and doing a little better than last week. I just hope and wish that everything can get to a point where I can feel myself moving forward with my life and career. I can appreciate that I have a doctor I can’t trust that listens to my concerns and adjust to how I’m feeling, both physically and emotionally. 

Living with fibromyalgia can be challenging and, honestly, one of the hardest things a person might experience, but there are ways to help manage symptoms and improve quality of life. 

1. Educating and learning as much as possible about fibromyalgia, its symptoms, and how it affects the body.
2. Practicing self-care activities like meditation, yoga, or massage can help with stress, improve sleep quality, and ease pain.
3. Prioritizing sleep is important for managing fibromyalgia symptoms. 
4. Managing stress can help with fibromyalgia symptoms. 
5. Staying active with regular exercise, even light activities such as walking or swimming, can help alleviate pain.
6. Working with a therapist can provide emotional support and deal with challenges with fibromyalgia.

March 18: The most problematic part recently has been the weight gain. I can’t work out like I was before all of this. Having to switch to Pilates has been incredible but, at the same time, not as intense as I’m used to, so it’s that much harder. I’m just not doing good, and that is the worst part, in my opinion, and all I can focus on. It isn’t very comfortable and makes you feel like I’m not myself. 

Weight gain is a common issue for somebody with fibromyalgia. The causes of weight gain in fibromyalgia can be multifactorial. They may include factors such as decreased physical activity because of pain and fatigue, medication side effects, and shifts in metabolism.

Exercise can be a valuable part of treating fibromyalgia; it may be challenging to start exercising with the pain and fatigue associated with fibromyalgia, but ironically physical activity helps reduce pain and improve overall function. 

April 18: Even though I know I am feeling somewhat better. I cannot help but be angry that I must maneuver this in life. I still question if it is something else that is more treatable, but in typical Kay fashion, I have to push forward because staying ideal in one place, accepting defeat even towards my body, is not something that I could bear. If I let that happen, I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror every day. I have faith and know I will get jump over this hurdle in this short time in my life. 

Fibromyalgia affects everyone differently, and no one-size-fits-all process for managing symptoms. You have to work to create a personalized plan that meets your needs and goals.